Pourquoi les Africains ont-ils peur du pouvoir de leur esprit? Mon nouveau bureau!

En ce début d’année 2018, j’ai pensé à écrire cet article pour encourager mes frères et sœurs Africains en leur capacité à transformer leur expérience de vie en leur donnant le témoignage de la mienne.

Dans un passé encore récent, j’avais traversé une profonde dépression qui a duré des années et au cours de laquelle la vie me semblait une torture, où le fun était pour les autres et les fardeaux pour moi. Quelque chose qui est très ancré dans l’inconscient des Africains si tu regardes bien. L’Africain croit que la souffrance c’est pour lui et la belle vie c’est pour les autres.

Heureusement pour moi, alors que la douleur devenait insupportable, il y a eu en moi un déclic et j’ai compris que moi aussi j’ai droit à ce que la vie a de meilleur à offrir selon ma définition du bonheur. Comme dans une révolte intérieure, j’ai donc commencé à prier et demander à la Vie/Dieu/l’Univers de m’aider à transformer mon expérience de vie. J’ai prié Dieu de m’aider à manifester une vie d’abondances, de liberté, de paix et de joie. J’utilisais aussi les tableaux de visualisation et la loi de l’attraction. Aujourd’hui, je vis ma vie de rêve, libre de tout esclavage moderne. Je voyage et visite les lieux dont j’entendais seulement les autres parler. J’apprends les activités que je n’avais ni le temps ni les moyens de faire, découvrant ainsi de nouveaux hobbies.

Toute à mon excitation de voir comment ma vie s’était transformée pour le meilleur, j’ai voulu partager ce qui a marché pour moi avec mes ami(e)s – qui comme la moi d’antan – croulent sous le poids d’une vie qu’ils sentent n’est pas la leur. Mais à chaque fois que je mentionnais le pouvoir de l’esprit ou d’utiliser son esprit, je les voyais se braquer et certaines sont même allées jusqu’à me traiter de sataniste et d’anti-Christ. Et c’est avec un grand étonnement que je pose cette question :

« Pourquoi les Africains ont-ils peur du pouvoir de leur esprit ? »

 Dieu ne nous a rien donné qui ne doivent pas être utilisé par nous. Ton esprit c’est pour toi. Le pouvoir de ton esprit c’est le tien également ! Si tu n’utilises pas le pouvoir de ton esprit, le monde l’utilisera contre toi. Le pouvoir de ton esprit est actif tout le temps et tu ne peux pas le mettre en pause, même pas lors de ton sommeil. Et si tu ne l’utilises pas consciemment en collaboration avec le divin, eh bien, il créera par défaut et tu te retrouveras entrain d’expérimenter la vie à porter des fardeaux que tu croiras t’être infligés par Dieu. Faux ! Dieu a mis devant toi ce que l’on qualifie de bien et de mal, la “malédiction” et la “bénédiction” mais il est de ta responsabilité de choisir entre les deux. Dieu ne le fera pas pour toi. Le pouvoir de ton esprit n’est que ta capacité à exercer ton choix entre ce que tu définis comme bénédictions ou biens ou leurs contraires. Ne pas exercer ce choix c’est se dire réceptif à ce que le monde ou l’égo choisira pour toi. Nous savons tous que qui ne dit mot, consent. Ne pas choisir, c’est choisir !

Mais les Africains ont peur d’exercer leur pouvoir du choix parce que on leur a dit que pouvoir c’est synonyme de sorcellerie et de méchanceté d’esprit et ils croient que c’est d’être bon que de vivre une vie de passivité spirituelle où ils subissent ce qu’ils croient être leur lot venant de Dieu.

On nous dit que le dieu de la bible est un dieu jaloux. Le Dieu auquel je crois ne connait pas la jalousie et n’a rien contre ton bonheur ! Il ne te l’imposera pas si tu ne le choisis pas toi-même car toi seul as ta définition du bonheur et tes préférences sont uniques. Je préfère la mer mais il y en a qui ne jurent que par la montagne. Paresser sur le sable est ma préférence alors que certains rêvent d’escalader l’Himalaya. L’expérience qui m’apportera la joie n’est pas la même pour tous mais nos préférences ont toutes leur validité mais il faut appliquer son choix, activement, de l’esprit d’abord à la matière. De l’invisible au visible. Demandez et vous recevrez…

La religion Chrétienne avec ses enseignements mal interprétés et la croyance au mal par la sorcellerie, fait en sorte que quand je parle à mes Frères Africains que Dieu les a crée puissants et qu’ils ont plus d’option dans la vie qu’ils ne le croient, ils deviennent sceptiques, doutent de moi et refusent de s’ouvrir. Pas surprenant donc que pendant que je fais ces voyages et visites ces fameux lieux touristiques, je ne rencontre pas d’Africains, pourtant ce monde nous appartient à nous tous !!! De l’invisible, au visible, ils restent dans leur prison spirituelle et cela se reflète dans leur prison physique. Ils sont enfermés dans leur continent, leur villes et villages alors qu’une certaine population enjoy ce que le monde a de meilleur à offrir et va même en Afrique enjoy plus que les Africains eux-mêmes ! Et puis on s’entend dire que Dieu aime les blancs plus que les noirs. Faux ! C’est juste que les noirs ont tellement d’emprisonnements spirituels et sans en être conscients, ils se refusent au bonheur qu’ils disent tant vouloir.

Je suis une Africaine mais j’ai une expérience de vie agrèable et cela peut aussi être le cas pour tout Africain. Mais, pour ce faire, il faudrait que nous n’ayons plus peur de la totalité de ce que nous sommes, tels que crées par la Vie.

Cher Africain, tu es puissant ! Ton outil, ton allié c’est ton esprit.
Utilise-le !

 

 

Gracieusement vôtre,
Grace 🙂

Mon tableau de vision est devenu realité.

Il y a plusieurs années, quand le film “The Secret” battait son plein et que je faisais mes premiers pas en religion pour entrer dans la voie de la spiritualité, j’ai longtemps utilisé de nombreux “tableaux de vision” où je mettais les images et les affirmations de ce que je voulais expérimenter. Beaucoup de ces images parlaient d’une vie libre de l’esclavage moderne et où je voyagerais dans les plus beaux endroits du monde. Dans mon tableau de vision, il y avait beaucoup d’images de plages et de gens qui se détendaient au bord de la mer, devant eux, une vue à couper le souffle !

En m’avancant dans ma marche spirituelle, j’ai cherché plus en profondeur et c’est ainsi que j’avais laissé aller la loi de l’attraction.  J’avais pris la décision de ne pas tomber dans le piège de l’ego consistant à utiliser mon esprit pour matérialiser ce que je pensais m’apporter du bonheur. Je ne voulais pas utiliser le pouvoir de mon esprit pour renforcer les illusions en cherchant les choses de ce monde, voitures, villas, argent, etc. J’avais compris que ce que je voulais réaliser à travers ces choses était l’expérience de la joie pure et paix profonde que je désirais ardemment.

Dans cette marche spirituelle, j’avais compris, bien qu’intellectuellement d’abord, qu’en me créant, Dieu m’avait donné la paix et la joie et que ces caractéristiques étaient EN moi et puisqu’elles étaient EN moi (intérieur), il était donc stupide de les chercher au dehors sous la forme d’argent, de villas et de voitures. Je ne voulais pas tomber dans le piège de l’ego qui est « Cherche mais ne trouve pas ».

J’avais alors tout arrêté ! Pas de tableau de vision. Aucune affirmation pour la vanité du genre « Mon corps devient de plus en plus sexy chaque jour, l’argent vient à moi sans effort. » J’ai remplacé ces affirmations mondaines par le vrai pardon. J’ai commencé à pardonner mes pensées haineuses, mes actions sans amour ainsi que celles de mes relations, j’ai pris toute la responsabilité des horreurs que mon esprit projette dans mon monde et j’ai demandé au Saint-Esprit de guérir mon esprit. Je ne demandais plus une vie parfaite comme le monde le définit. J’ai demandé la volonté de Dieu pour ma vie. J’ai demandé à être utile, mais d’abord d’être suffisamment purifiée pour que le Saint-Esprit puisse se refléter suffisamment à travers moi. Quelque part dans mon esprit, j’étais venue à accepter que si la Volonté de Dieu pour moi était que je vive une vie considérée ratée selon le monde, alors qu’il en soit ainsi, que Sa Volonté soit faite !

Les années passèrent. Aujourd’hui, 25 Décembre 2017, alors que je regardais émerveillée le paysage paradisiaque qui s’étalait à perte de vue, la mémoire de mes tableaux de vision me revinrent à l’esprit ! Je réalisai que la Vie avait non seulement pourvu financièrement mais elle m’avait aussi offert le cadeau de la liberté des contraintes de l’esclavage moderne sous forme de vacances de 3 mois qui consiste à visiter ces lieux mêmes qui m’avaient fait rêver il y a quelques années ! Les mêmes paysages des images sur mes tableaux de vision. Je les avais oubliés mais la vie, elle, n’avait pas. Elle s’était souvenue pour moi. Je ne pouvais pas y croire ! Quel beau cadeau en ce jour de Noël. Les gens célébraient la naissance de Jésus pendant que moi, étonnée et reconnaissante, je célébrais la preuve d’une vérité spirituelle qui se manifestait sous mes yeux, car, plus que jamais, je voyais la vérité spirituellede cette parole qui dit : « Fais de l’Eternel tes délices et il te donnera ce que ton cœur désire. »

St Esprit, plus que jamais:
« Je choisis la seconde place pour gagner la première.
Je cèderai le pas et Le laisserai me guider dans la voie,
car je voudrais suivre la route qui mène à Lui. »
La volonté de Dieu pour moi c’est le Bonheur parfait.

 

Gracieusement vôtre,
Grace 🙂

 

My vision board came true! “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. ”

Several years ago, when the movie “The Secret” was in full swing and I was taking my first steps out of religion to enter the path of spirituality, I used for a long time many “vision boards” where I use to put the images and affirmations of what I wanted to experience. Many of these imagines spoke of a life free from the modern slavery and where I would travel to the most beautiful places in the world. In my vision board, there was a lot of images of beaches and people relaxing by the sea, in front of them, a breath-taking view!

As I continued in my spiritual walk, I searched for deeper truth and that’s how I grew out of the Law of attraction. I took the decision not to fall into the ego’s trap of using my mind to materialize what I thought would bring me happiness. I did not want to use the power of my mind to reinforce the illusions by seeking for the things of this world, cars, villas, money, etc. I understood that what I wanted to achieve through these things was the experience of pure joy and peace that I was longing for.

In this spiritual walk, I had understood, though only intellectually at first, that in creating me, God had given me peace and joy and that those characteristics were IN me and since they were IN me (inside), it was therefore foolish to look for them outside in the form of money, villas and cars. I did not want to fall into the ego’s trap which is “seek but do not find. ”

I then stopped everything! No more vision board. No affirmation for the vanity of the genre “my body becomes sexier every day. Money comes to me effortlessly. ” I replaced these worldly affirmations with true forgiveness. I began to forgive my hateful thoughts, my loveless actions as well as those from my relationships, I took the entire responsibility of the horrors that my mind projects into my world and asked the Holy Spirit to heal my spirit. I no longer asked for a perfect life as the world defines it. I asked for God’s will for my life. I asked to serve but first to be purified enough so that the Holy Spirit could sufficiently be reflected through me. At some point in my life, I had come to accept that if God’s Will for me was that I live a life considered unsuccessful as the world sees it, then so be It; may His Will be done!

The years passed. Today, December 25, 2017, as I gazed at the endless landscape in front of me, the memory of my vision boards came back to my mind! I realized that Life had not only provided financially but it had also given me the gift of freedom of constraints of modern slavery in the form of a 3 months vacations which involve visiting the very places that made me dream years ago! The very same landscapes of the images on my vision boards. I had forgotten them but Life did not. It remembered for me. I could not believe it! What a nice present on this Christmas day. People were celebrating the birth of Jesus while I, amazed and grateful, I was celebrating the proof of a spiritual truth manifesting itself under my eyes because more than ever I was seeing the validity of this word: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. ”

Holy Spirit, more than ever:
“I choose the second place to gain the first.”
“I will step back and let Him lead the way.
For I would walk along the road to Him”
God’s will for me is perfect happiness.

 

Graciously Yours,
Grace 🙂

I asked and received. GOD'S WILL FOR ME IS PERFECT HAPPINESS.

The 05th of December 2017, I finally made it to Asia for my three months vacations. First stop, Bangkok!

 

It has been many years since I dreamed of a life out of Norway during winter time to escape the winter depression that was literally destroying my life. For a long time, I had hesitated to do it. I had hesitated to make the decisions that would put in place the life that I wanted.

Some time ago, while the pain of a life that I did not like was too painful to be ignored, I decided to leave, as in a survival instinct. The thought that always came back to my mind is this sentence from A Course In Miracle that says:

“God’s will for me is perfect happiness.”

The way life is in Norway, the cold weather, the fragile friendships, the racism, subtle but existing, the loneliness, all of that was sending me the message that I was alone in the world and abandoned by God. It made it difficult for me to feel happy.
Originally from Cameroon and having lived in France, I knew that the world was different elsewhere and I wanted to give myself the opportunity of a happy life. I kept telling myself that I too have the right to happiness.

Here I am! I finally made it to Thailand! A country where I do not know anyone but I can say this:

loneliness is less painful under the sun.

Here, I can walk the streets and see people! People who don’t avoid eye’s contact by looking the other way when you meet them on the street but people who smile at you.
Here, there is the language barrier though. I do not speak Thai and very few speak English. But with it, I am experiencing the proof that we are energy and our communication as Human Beings is way deeper than the sound of our vocabulary. Through a look, a smile, a vibration, I can feel and know that I am welcome in Thailand, the opposite of Norway where the climate is increasingly unwelcoming with the refugees and immigration situation.

Here, I do not know anyone yet but I feel good. I am not imprisoned in my 4 walls because of a hostile climate or friends who rarely have the desire or the motivation to meet, victims themselves of a climate that does not invite going out. Here, I go out and do a lot of activities because the climate is favorable for an easygoing and active life.

My experience here reminds me of the two facets of the mind where the Holy Spirit via the sun tells me that I was given all that I need to be happy. The ego, on the other hand, via the winter, tells me that I have to seek for myself for ways to be happy. It’s just that this quest for happiness in the lifeless winter ice environment, feels unnatural. For me! I exhausted myself in searching too hard, forcing, planting under an icy arid soil. I sought but did not found. So, I decided to stop watering what was not growing for me. I left!

Here I am in the Thai sun with the impression of being part of a world that lives. My heart is grateful! I receive the blessing of this long vacation with a humble heart. I take it as a message from my Heavenly Father saying to me: “My will for you, Grace, is perfect happiness. ”

 

Gracefully yours,
Grace 🙂

J’ai demandé et j’ai reçu. LA VOLONTE DE DIEU POUR MOI C'EST LE BONHEUR PARFAIT.

 

Le 05 décembre 2017,  je suis finalement arrivée en Asie pour 3 mois de vacances. Premier arrêt, Bangkok !

Cela faisait plusieurs années que je rêvais d’une vie hors de la Norvège en Hivers afin d’échapper à la dépression hivernale qui détruisait littéralement ma vie.
Pendant longtemps j’avais hésité à le faire. J’avais hésité à prendre les décisions qui allaient mettre en place la vie que je me souhaitais. Il y a quelque temps, alors que la douleur d’une vie qui ne me plaisait plus se faisait trop douloureuse pour être ignorée, j’ai pris la décision de partir, comme dans un instinct de survie. La pensée qui me revenait toujours en esprit est cette phrase d’un cours en miracles qui dit : « La volonté de Dieu pour moi c’est le bonheur parfait.

Le mode de vie de la Norvège, le froid, les amitiés fragiles, le racisme, subtil mais bien existant, la solitude, me revoyait le message que j’étais seule au monde, abandonné de Dieu et j’avais ainsi du mal à me sentir heureuse.
Originaire du Cameroun et ayant vécu en France, je savais que le monde était différent ailleurs et je voulais me donner l’opportunité d’une vie heureuse. Je me répétais que moi aussi j’ai droit au bonheur.

Voilà, je suis enfin arrivée en Thailande. Un pays où je ne connais absolument personne pourtant je peux affirmer que:

 la solitude est moins pénible sous le soleil.

Ici je peux arpenter les rues et voir du monde ! Pas un monde qui fuit ton regard et regarde de l’autre côté quand vous vous croissez dans la rue mais un monde qui te sourit. Ici, il y a pourtant la barrière de la langue. Je ne parle pas Thai et très peu parlent Anglais. Mais j’expérimente encore la preuve que nous sommes énergie et dans un regard, un sourire, une vibration, je peux sentir et savoir que je suis la bienvenue tout le contraire de la Norvège où le climat est de plus en plus mal accueillant. Ici, je ne connais encore personne mais je me sens bien. Je ne suis pas emprisonnée dans mes 4 murs à cause d’un climat hostile ou des amis qui ont rarement l’envie ou la motivation d’une rencontre victimes eux aussi d’un climat qui n’invite pas aux sorties. Ici, je sors et je fais beaucoup d’activités car le climat permet une vie active si facile.

Mon expérience ici me rappelle que le soleil te dit qu’il t’a offert tout ce dont tu as besoin pour être joyeuse. L’hiver, par contre, te dit que tu dois chercher toi-même de quoi être joyeuse. C’est juste que cette quête du bonheur dans le milieu sans vie de la glace hivernale est contre nature. Pour moi ! Je me suis épuisée à trop chercher, à forcer, à planter sous un sol aride. J’ai cherché mais je n’ai pas trouvé. Alors j’ai décider d’arrêter d’arroser ce qui ne poussait pas pour moi. Je suis partie!

Me voici sous le soleil Thaïlandais avec l’impression de faire partie d’un monde qui vit. J’ai le cœur reconnaissant ! Je reçois la bénédiction de ces longues vacances avec un coeur humble. Je les reçois comme un message de mon Père Céleste me disant : « Ma volonté pour toi, Grâce, c’est le bonheur parfait. »

 

Gracieusement vôtre,
Grâce 🙂

Reflections on this anniversary day. I am (amazing) Grace

Today December 20th is my birthday! 

 

Look closely at the picture. Do you see my little angel wings?
Look closely at the picture. Do you see my little angel wings?

Thank you for these many years of life!

It was emotionally difficult! In my tender youth, I never imagined that life would have been so psychologically painful. If I had to give a title to the film of my life to date, it would be “It was hard”! But I would add in subtitle “Full of Graces!” Because the harder it became, the more graces I received. Grace has incredibly over-abounded where difficulties have abounded! Let me explain.

The darkness forced me to shine my light. The wickedness of all kinds made me determined to channel the angelic behavior that I wanted to see in the world. The ugliness of a hard heart has made easy for me the choice for tenderness. The ridiculousness of fiction in social networks has pushed me to voluntarily make the choice of openness and vulnerability, as an invitation to others to do the same. The destruction of gossip has made me choose loyalty and develop the character of a person who can be trusted. The absurdity of greed in a world where people want to cash, store, accumulate as much as they can while the wealth of the world is enough to be shared among all of us, made me choose generosity. I gave money, time and energy but also my affection, prayers, and the help of all kinds where it was needed, I hope. Seeing the vanity of the world and the pains it engenders strengthens me in the choice of my spiritual walk to be one with the spirit that I am.

It was hard! Living in the world, this environment that was not designed for the spirit that I am in reality, because spirit and the world/ego are in opposition. But that’s what it’s all about, walking in this world by showing that I’m not an ego. I seem to be in the world but I’m not of the world. And these many years of life have been a journey to disidentify with the ego and its characteristics so that those of the Spirit shine more and more. These years have been to unlearn the ways of the world/the ego, to see its lies and to choose to stop believing, perpetrating and reinforcing them. But rather to teach by my behavior and my way of thinking, all that I would like to learn about me, that I am spirit, child of God, pure and innocent.

This path to unlearning and applying all this has not been easy, and it is here that graces have abounded in a world full of obstacles to peace, love, joy and truth. It was not easy but the graces did not dry up.
“By Grace, I live.
By Grace, I am released.
By Grace, I give.
By Grace, I will release.”
Thus, at each betrayal, the strength to remain defenseless was given to me. At each rejection, the strength to bless. To each expression of hate, the opportunity of love. So, for all these years of life, I am able to say that, “God is my strength. I can do everything through Him who strengthens me. ”

On this anniversary day, I give thanks to the one who gives me the strength to choose (because that’s what it’s all about, TO CHOOSE) who I am – spirit, pure and innocent – and who my neighbor is for me – spirit, pure and innocent.

It was hard because the magnitude of the illusions, hatred, lies, and resistance that were in me was immense! I failed! Frightfully. Shamefully! But I kept moving towards the best version of myself. The same forgiveness that I applied to others, I used on myself. From shit to cleanliness. Much has been done, but much remains to be done. This is also why on this day, I humbly admit that I am still under construction, or to say it more accurately, I am still under “deconstruction”. And THAT, IS HARD! But Grace abounds in me. My heart is full of gratitude as today, again, I remember my so prophetic name. I am (amazing) Grace (Eboué)

Gracefully Yours,
Grace 🙂

Réflexion en ce jour d’anniversaire! Je suis Grâce!

Aujourd’hui 20 Décembre, c’est mon anniversaire ! 

Merci pour ces années de vie !

Regarde de près l’image. Vois-tu mes petites ailes d’ange?

Ça a été émotionnellement difficile ! Dans ma tendre jeuneuse, je n’aurais jamais imaginé que la vie aurait été si psychologiquement douloureuse. Si je devais donner un titre au film de ma vie à ce jour, ce serait « Ça été dur » ! Mais j’ajouterais en sous-titre « Pleine de Grâces ! » Car autant ça été difficile, autant il y a eu des grâces. La Grâce a vraiment surabondé là où les difficultés ont abondé ! Je m’explique.

Les ténèbres m’ont forcé à faire luire ma lumière. Les méchancetés de toutes sortes m’ont déterminé à canaliser les comportements angéliques que je voulais voir dans le monde. La laideur des duretés de cœur m’a rendu le choix pour la tendresse facile. Le ridicule de la fiction dans les réseaux sociaux m’a poussé à volontairement faire le choix de l’ouverture et de la vulnérabilité, comme une invitation aux autres de faire pareil. La destruction du commérage m’a fait choisir la loyauté et développer le caractère d’une personne à qui on peut faire confiance. L’absurdité de l’avidité dans un monde où les gens veulent encaisser, emmagasiner, amasser au maximum alors que les richesses suffiraient à tous, m’a fait choisir la générosité. Donner de mon argent, temps et énergie mais aussi mon affection, mes prières et aides de toutes sortes que j’ai pu apporter. Voir la vanité du monde et les douleurs qu’elle engendre me conforte dans le choix de ma marche spirituelle pour ne faire qu’un avec l’esprit que je suis.

Ça été dur ! Vivre dans le monde, cet environnement qui n’a pas été conçu pour l’esprit que je suis en réalité car l’esprit et le monde/ego sont en opposition. Mais c’est bien de cela qu’il s’en est agît, marcher dans ce monde en démontrant que je ne suis pas un égo. Je semble être dans le monde mais je ne suis pas du monde. Et ces années de vie ont été une démarche pour me défaire des caractéristiques de l’ego afin que celles de l’esprit luisent de plus en plus. Ces années ont été de désapprendre le fonctionnement du monde/l’ego, de voir ses mensonges et choisir d’arrêter d’y croire, de les perpétrer et transmettre. Mais plutôt d’enseigner de par mon comportement et mon mode de penser, tout ce que je voudrais apprendre sur moi, que je suis esprit, enfant de Dieu, pure et innocente.

Ce chemin pour désapprendre et appliquer tout ceci n’a pas été facile et c’est là que les grâces ont abondé dans un monde où abondent les obstacles pour la paix, l’amour, la joie et la vérité. Ça n’a pas été facile mais les grâces n’ont pas tari. « Par la Grâce je vis, par la Grâce je suis délivrée. Par la Grâce je donne, par la Grâce je délivrerai. »

C’est ainsi qu’à chaque trahison, la force de rester sans défense m’a été donner. A chaque rejet, la force de bénir. À chaque haine, l’opportunité de l’amour. C’est ainsi que pour toutes ces années de vie, j’ai pu dire : « Dieu est ma force. Je puis tout par Celui qui me fortifie. »

En ce jour d’anniversaire, je rends grâce à celui qui me donne la force de choisir, (car il s’agit bien de cela, faire le CHOIX) qui je suis – esprit, pur et innocent – et qui mon prochain est pour moi – esprit, pur et innocent.

Ça a a été dur parce que l’ampleur des illusions, haines et mensonges qu’il y avait en moi était immense ! J’ai failli ! Affreusement. Honteusement ! Mais j’ai continué à avancer vers la meilleure version de moi-même. Le même pardon que j’ai appliqué sur les autres, j’en ai fait usage sur moi-même. De la merde à la propreté. Beaucoup a été fait mais il reste encore beaucoup à faire. C’est aussi pour cela qu’en ce jour, je reconnais humblement que je suis en pleine construction, ou pour le dire plus précisément, je suis encore en pleine « déconstruction ». Et ÇA, C’EST DUR ! Mais je suis pleine de Grâces. Le cœur plein de gratitude, je me souviens encore aujourd’hui de mon nom si prophétique, je suis Grâce (Eboué).

 

Gracieusement vôtre,
Grâce Eboué 🙂

A WHITE FRIEND IS NOT REALLY A FRIEND UNTIL HE STANDS UP FOR YOU! MY HIDDEN GRIEVANCES

A white friend of mine posted a link to a video on Facebook. The subject of the video is racism and he encouraged everybody to watch it. I did! I cried while going through it but refused to make any comment. Somehow, it kept showing up on my feed, and I understood that it was the video’s invitation to me to say something and here I go:

I am a black woman coming originally from Cameroon. I lived most of my life in France and Norway. My most painful experience living among Norwegians, working and interacting with them was to find out that, in the end, I would never truly belong and they are not truly my friends. (Thank God there are few exceptions!)

I was lucky enough to spend two months of vacations in my country of origin, Cameroon and I came back to Norway exactly one month ago. Being in Cameroon made me realize how much I spent my life “begging” white Norwegians for approval, friendship, and love. I have to be perfect otherwise I am thrown out, because they’ve heard that people from my color or culture are not trustworthy. After years building a friendship and believing that I could truly call someone a friend, I’m saddened to realize that this friendship can disappear at my first mistake! It feels like people are just waiting for the moment I would confirm all that they’ve heard about people like me…

Two days after I came back from Cameroon, I started feeling the pain of being so lonely in Norway and for days, I was just sleeping, feeling depressed! But it made me understand something. My doctor said that I have a chronic depression, but I now see that there’s nothing wrong with my brain. I feel depressed because of the constant lack of real human connection and interactions here in Norway. I have very few real friendships and most Norwegians are not really interested in being our friends. Is it because of their preconceptions? I wonder why.

Thus, many times, when I shared my psychological suffering with my friends who, like me, are foreigners in Norway, they told me this: “Grace, you will keep being depressed as long as you will try to fit in the Norwegian society. It’s a society that makes you doubt yourself, makes you feel small. They are not interested in being our friends. They complain that we don’t integrate just as to have a reason to hold against us, but how can we integrate if the friendship zone is closed to us?! And, Grace, if you keep trying to be with them and being part of their society, you will keep feeling depressed and it’s because YOU KNOW YOU ARE BEING REJECTED! ”

It is in my habit to give some thinking to well-intended advice giving to me and, sadly, there were some truths in the ones mentioned above. There is very few depression among communities like Somalia, Eritrea, Philipinos and all those groups, who have decided to keep together and ignore the ” white, the Norwegians .”
I am against a society where people have to stay mainly within their own communities. However, I have to say that I still try to figure out how to be happy as a Cameroonian living in Norway and among Norwegians. I know that I’m a multitalented person and I can highly contribute to the community where I’m, but here in Norway, I started doubting so much about myself because the subliminal messages I receive about people who look like me are conflicting so much with what lies within me!

I have been in workplaces where ethnic Norwegians will sometimes not show up to work (egenmeldinger all the time), would take longer breaks to smoke and speak on the phone. More, some made critical mistakes at the job site, but nobody said nothing nor complained about anything. Contrasty, there I was, giving my best and even much more than I am supposed to do for the company or organization. But, unlike my coworker, the slight mistake I would make will condemn me and It will be like the end of the world!!! And that single mistake is unfortunately what will be remembered, ignoring all the dedication and good work I have been demonstrating. That’s not nice! This is unfair!

I’ve seen previous bosses keeping contact with all the employees or people who have worked for a long or short time in the company, but they will cut all contacts with me like I was the worst thing that has ever happened to the company or organization. They will “forget” to invite me to Christmas dinner (Julebord) and events, but others were invited. On Facebook, I see them following and interacting with each other, but not me.

It’s a painful feeling to be thrown out and “others” are kept in the circle, in the group – they are the ones invited and wanted! It makes me feel like a bad person, the worst employee of the history of the organization, but I have to fight at the level of my mind and refute those lies by reminding myself that I am not perfect but me too am a good person.

While I was in Cameroon I felt so much better! (Even though we also have our social fights there but nothing that made me doubt myself until the core of my being.) At home, doors were open, I felt worthy, appreciated, valuable and I started to have faith that me too, I can reach my goals in life. While in Norway, I feel less than, observed, judged and the future feels uncertain and depressing.

Since I came back from Cameroon, I’ve decided not to try any longer. I Stopped trying to make friends with Norwegians; I also stopped trying to integrate myself into a society which in truth doesn’t want to let us be totally part of it. And of course, when a white person will read this article, they might think: “Here they go again, these black people, always exaggerating and complaining. They are not grateful for being here, and if they are not happy; why don’t they leave?”

I will leave!!!

The problem of racism is so deep, and the subliminal messages start getting implemented in a child’s mind at a very young age. When I was a little child, going to bible school, reading the children Bible, I noticed that God, Jesus, and all the angels were whites and the only people who looked like me where Satan and the demons. Think of the message it sends to the subconscious mind of that little girl. Think! We were taught early in life that whites are the chosen ones and we are cursed. We learn to feel small in front of whites, after all, they look like God and Jesus The Savior…

When I was younger, I experienced rejection several times by my whites friends whenever there was a crisis between me and a white person. In fact, my other white friends would stop speaking to me and I would lose almost all my circle of friends if one of them was mad at me. Imagine how this feels! Imagine!

As a musician, I have witnessed how the doors of the medias are shut for musicians doing African music and how much harder is it for them to be heard on the radio or seen on the television. From our music genres, our dress and hairstyles, our food, and yes, more and more white people enjoy them nowadays, but they are still considered a culture of a lower class.

From unfair friendship codes, discrimination in workplaces, a despised culture, and to other areas of our existence, dissipating racism and white privilege (which is so deep-rooted in white people that they are not even aware themselves that they are still somehow racists, even though they have come as far as agreeing that black people shouldn’t be killed like animals and their lives matter) feels like uprooting the Mount Everest. The task feels so huge and deep that for the sake of keeping our mental stability, leaving white people on their side and avoiding the effects of their unrecognized racism, feels at times like the right thing to do.

Racist? Me? Never! Well, dear white friend, in the journey of being totally racism-free and not maintaining your white privileges, check how you are doing in relation to this:
There were times when I was unfairly treated and I wanted to fight for myself but did not because I knew I would only be labeled as an angry black woman. During those times, I was dreaming, hoping and praying that ONE of my white friends would take the fight for me, that ONE of them would stand up for me, that ONE of them would speak up for me. Nothing! And the pain of the unfairness became deeper with the pain of abandonment and the realization that in fact, they were not really my friends and I am alone in fighting my battles because I alone am black.

I knew that if ONE of my white friends had spoken in my favor or stood up for me, the other whites would have listened and things would have been a little better for me. But their passivity is what hurts even deeper!
We black know that most whites don’t really care because they’re not the one suffering. The battles are ours. The challenges are ours. White people know that they belong. They know that in comparison with you black, they belong in the community, the workplace, the circle of friends.  They know that if there must be a choice between you the black and them, there will be no match! They know that the fight is for us and “when I find myself in times of troubles, “mother Mary” comes to them, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.”  They let it be and they leave us in our shit!

Many white people are truly motivated for erasing racism, – and I can understand that it feels insulting to acknowledge that one still is a racist, a white privileged – and they genuinely ask how they could contribute to the creation of a world without racial prejudice and privileges? My personal experience taught me that what is crucially needed is more white people who will speak up and stand up for us when we are treated unfairly. We need white people who will be courageous, fair and who will take the fights with us and for us when necessary!!!

I was crying while watching the video, and it showed me how much pain is hidden beneath my mask but could surface as soon as there’s an opening. Some black people express their pain through anger, and maybe that’s why we hear so much that most black people are always angry. They have reasons to be. Others, like the depressed type where I belong, express their pain through silent crying and isolation. Someone once told me that “Silence is a girl’s loudest cry. You know she’s really hurt when she starts ignoring you.”

My deepest pain is not against those who treated me poorly, but it’s towards my white friends who saw me going through this inequity and discrimination, but looked the other way, pretending they didn’t see anything, remained silent, cut all contact with me in order not to feel themselves the discomfort of seeing me hurting, and let me alone in dealing with the subtle consequences of my existential problem of being born non-white. The silence of my white “friends” is what hurt the most. Therefore, I came to the personal conclusion that a white friend is not really a friend until he/she stands up for the black friend! True, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” – Martin Luther King Jr

Speak up! Stand up with us!

To all white people who will read this. Before writing your comment, in your mind, take a trip to some country somewhere in the world where the population looks nothing like you and where your “friends” let you down when their peers are unkind towards you. And in your mind, try to feel what the writer of this article experienced. If you are able to relate and have some compassion, that’s what it means to be a fellow human being. But if you cannot put yourself in my shoes, well, why don’t you look the other way and pretend you never read this?

We African people living among Norwegian have seen so much and we have so much inside ourselves that if we’re given the opportunity to pour our heart, we can write a whole book! That’s why I will stop this long article here, go among my white Norwegian population, shut my mouth, smile and keep pretending that I am not suffering inside my soul. Let there be peace on the prize of my silence…

Listen to my song “My Grievances”

 

(This song and its lyrics will add another dimension to this article. Enjoy! )

 

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience and it might be different from the ones of many black people living in Norway. But your different experience does not invalidate mine and vice versa…
Let’s be respectful of people’s experiences and thankful for the good ones we have.

Graciously yours,
Grace Eboué 🙂

Depression or demoniac possession!!! CONFESSIONS OF A DEPRESSED WORKER.

Depression feels like a demoniac possession!!! Something sucks my energy, my motivation, my concentration, my ability to consider my options and take decisions.

From the outside, it appears like everything is fine with me while, in the inside, I pray for my deliverance. I pray for good reasons why I should wake up in the morning and go to work. And while I sit at my desk, I pray that people around me will not notice that I struggle to be able to accomplish my tasks, as expected of me.

But I am good at putting a face of someone who has it all under control. I do accomplish my tasks! So well that they are even convinced that I am smart and good at what I am doing! They are happy and they want me to come back, another day, another time, to do more of what they’ve been impressed by me doing. They don’t know that for me, a working day achieved is a miracle day! They don’t know that I’ve used all my energy, my strength, and my faith to go through that day.

They don’t know that when they gladly ask me to come tomorrow, I am scared of my tomorrow. Because tomorrow is another day and I am not sure if the same miracle working day will be accorded to me. I am afraid that God and the angels will forsake me and I will be laying in my bed, desperate and praying for the end of the world for me or for the whole world. Because, you see, like most depressive people, I can be very egoistic! So badly egoistic that it happens that I rather have the whole world collapsing if I can’t be part of that world and being among those who made it! Nothing for me, nothing for all! Fortunately, this prayer has never been answered. There has never been a global collapse, just a personal collapse. The collapse of my strength and my inner world. Here I am, laying in my bed, defeated!

But they’re waiting for me at work to do what they think I am good at doing. Plus, the society expects me to be productive! But, here I am, unable to brush my teeth! But this weakness, which is my reality, I can never tell them! I want them to keep seeing me in a way that gives me a little bit of glory and dignity. I cannot call them and tell them that I can’t come to work that morning because I am into a deep darkness. I am buried so deep down and that from where I am, I am unable to see any stairs or elevator that could bring me up; up to the light or up to a functional version of myself. No, I will never tell them this! This will be my secret for the day, for the weeks but hopefully not any longer.

I will keep this secret for myself because I am afraid they will never understand what I am going through and I don’t want to take any risk. So, I play it safe. I call them. I gather my strength and I use my non-depressive-sad-to-death voice. The voice that will reassure them. With that voice, I start to lie. A “white lie”. I tell them that I can’t come to work that morning because, eh, I have a stomach ache, the flu or any others “approved” diseases, but, nothing they could associate with mental illness. Oh no! A bad virus is always better that depression. A stomach ache will always beat a depression. In the popularity contest of sicknesses, I go for the winner. It works! And it makes me feel good. For a while. Because even if my lie keeps me away from being put on the list of the losers, I feel that I am one.

You see, “I have a terrible flu” will always be cooler than “I have a terrible depression” and the last one, not the former, is my current truth. While my co-workers are convinced that, pretty soon, I will come back to work because my official flu cannot keep me long in my sick bed, I pray. I ask God, Jesus and my angels for help! I pray for my deliverance from the demon that sucks my energy, my motivation, my concentration, my ability to consider my options and take decisions. Simply, I pray to be delivered from depression.

This is the confession of a depressed worker!

NB: This is how I felt until recently!

 

Graciously yours,
Grace <3

 

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