The 05th of December 2017, I finally made it to Asia for my three months vacations. First stop, Bangkok!
It has been many years since I dreamed of a life out of Norway during winter time to escape the winter depression that was literally destroying my life. For a long time, I had hesitated to do it. I had hesitated to make the decisions that would put in place the life that I wanted.
Some time ago, while the pain of a life that I did not like was too painful to be ignored, I decided to leave, as in a survival instinct. The thought that always came back to my mind is this sentence from A Course In Miracle that says:
“God’s will for me is perfect happiness.”
The way life is in Norway, the cold weather, the fragile friendships, the racism, subtle but existing, the loneliness, all of that was sending me the message that I was alone in the world and abandoned by God. It made it difficult for me to feel happy.
Originally from Cameroon and having lived in France, I knew that the world was different elsewhere and I wanted to give myself the opportunity of a happy life. I kept telling myself that I too have the right to happiness.
Here I am! I finally made it to Thailand! A country where I do not know anyone but I can say this:
loneliness is less painful under the sun.
Here, I can walk the streets and see people! People who don’t avoid eye’s contact by looking the other way when you meet them on the street but people who smile at you.
Here, there is the language barrier though. I do not speak Thai and very few speak English. But with it, I am experiencing the proof that we are energy and our communication as Human Beings is way deeper than the sound of our vocabulary. Through a look, a smile, a vibration, I can feel and know that I am welcome in Thailand, the opposite of Norway where the climate is increasingly unwelcoming with the refugees and immigration situation.
Here, I do not know anyone yet but I feel good. I am not imprisoned in my 4 walls because of a hostile climate or friends who rarely have the desire or the motivation to meet, victims themselves of a climate that does not invite going out. Here, I go out and do a lot of activities because the climate is favorable for an easygoing and active life.
My experience here reminds me of the two facets of the mind where the Holy Spirit via the sun tells me that I was given all that I need to be happy. The ego, on the other hand, via the winter, tells me that I have to seek for myself for ways to be happy. It’s just that this quest for happiness in the lifeless winter ice environment, feels unnatural. For me! I exhausted myself in searching too hard, forcing, planting under an icy arid soil. I sought but did not found. So, I decided to stop watering what was not growing for me. I left!
Here I am in the Thai sun with the impression of being part of a world that lives. My heart is grateful! I receive the blessing of this long vacation with a humble heart. I take it as a message from my Heavenly Father saying to me: “My will for you, Grace, is perfect happiness. ”