I’m writing this article to ask women (and men) to support any campaigns, movements, videos, & articles aiming at changing women’s image in media. Why? Because it affects us all!
In this blog, I made the promise to speak for myself, but I know that I am not a single case. What I’ve experienced is representative of what women around the world have to put up with. So this is my personal confession but one I know that many women can sign under.
One of the reasons why I am single is because I don’t have the energy to buy into the lies of what a woman is supposed to be, look like, have, and do in order to have a romantic relationship with a man or be a valuable product in the single market. Those lies are all around us. We just have to look to see how countless they are! It’s everywhere. Any given day, you can witness a man—either in real life or on reality shows—going instinctively after the women who look like the type of “beautiful” we’ve been programmed to see.
While thinking about the characteristics of a beautiful woman as the media, and most men, in the western/occidental world define it, I came to the alarming conclusion that those characteristics could only be appealing to unrecognized pedophiles!
Why do I say that? Because most of the women they go for, the ones they think and have been programmed to view as pretty, all have the body of teenage girls! The more a woman look like a teenager (and act like it), the more attractive and labeled as “pretty” she becomes and the less threatening she is to those men; exactly like an adult man would not feel threatened by a child…
Our mind is very selective. It’s a mechanism it uses in order to avoid the tremendous pain hidden in our subconscious mind. One of the ways it calms our suffering is by desperately clinging to a flattering image of ourselves. We want to feel good about ourselves! That’s why it’s very insulting to those men to see and recognize themselves as the pedophiles that they are. They cover up their guilt by going for women whose birth certificate says that she’s an adult, but whose body looks like the teenage girl on her way to school whose they know the law doesn’t allow them to have sex with.
I did a research and came to a scary conclusion. Why do you think that women in the porn industry look like teenagers? Why are the teen sections so popular? The smaller the body, the better. The younger the body, the better… The only big thing those women are allowed to have are big (fake) boobs!
Scarier, they are not even allowed to have “developed” genital parts!
I find this heartbreaking!
I come originally from Africa where in many countries, women are mutilated through a process called female circumcision. It’s a procedure during which some or all of the external female genitalia are removed! Despite the horror and suffering caused by this practice, it is even mind-blowing to know that it’s women who organize and inflict it on each other for the purpose of men! It tells you how far women can go in re-arranging their body so that it would be acceptable to men.
Now, white and occidental people told us that they are more intelligent, evolved, and advanced than us Africans or Middle Eastern people. But apparently, when it comes to the use of the women’s body for the purpose of men, well, the human race in its totality hasn’t gone very far! Here I am, living in Europe and I hear stories of women who willingly mutilated themselves under a procedure called intimal surgery!!! Yep, nowadays, more and more western or occidental women undertake vaginal reconstructions mostly for aesthetic purposes. They undergo the reduction of their inner genitalia so that it would look like the one of an underage woman… all for the benefit of men!
DIFFERENT RACES but SAME INSANITY!
DIFFERENT LABELING but SAME PURPOSE!
THE QUESTION IS: WHEN WILL THAT STOP?
My best friend who is single used to say about herself: “When I look at my body, I would not fuck myself! No, I will not have sex with myself. I do not want to inflict a body full of cellulite like mine upon a man”
Why did she say that? Because we have media, dating sites, porn etc, telling us that a “hot” woman is a cellulite free one!
Here comes my question to those who would still have doubts about most men being unrecognized pedophiles: “Where would you surely find a totally cellulite free body? Only on the age group of the underage women!!! In order words, women’s fight to have a cellulite free body is only a fight to have a body that looks like one of the underage women! Why? Because they know that that’s what most men are looking for; a body that’s not yet fully developed but a birth certificate that says it is. I won’t even go into the modern trend of completely shaved women…
MY PERSONAL STORY:
My most painful heartbreak
In 2006, I met at a friend’s house a Norwegian man for whom I felt madly in love. If I have to give a title to my relationship with him, it will be: “The rejected!”
One day, in December 2013, that man called me and said: “Grace, I am going to be brutally honest with you. I have been thinking about our relationship and I came to the conclusion that I want a woman who is:
- Highly educated,
- has a high standard of living,
- and is extremely beautiful!
And this is not you!”
WOW! He warned me it would be brutal! Indeed, it was! Speak about having your heart crushed and trampled on the floor!
In our conversation, he told me that none of the women he dated so far, including me, were good enough. He told me word by word that he loved me, but didn’t want to lower his standards which are the three mentioned above!
At first, I was heartbroken for a long period. Strangely, the most insulting and humiliating thing the man I loved told me became my curse:
- I already knew better at that time but somehow, I was not listening to the wise voice in me telling me not to accept his words as true for me. I started believing the lies and rejecting my inner truth. That’s how I became less and less intelligent, less and less wise with myself, i.e certainly not “highly educated”…
- Like the person who becomes an idiot if repeatedly told that he/she is stupid, I started neglecting my appearance, I gained weight and I started becoming less and less beautiful as the depression from the heartbreak was getting intense, i.e, even further from being “extremely beautiful.”
- As the depression sank in, I became less and less able to work full time (NB: this situation was not the only issue of my depression but it certainly exacerbated it), I started working only part time and thus having a reduced income i.e not having “a high standard of living”…
I became the clear opposite of what he said I was not nor didn’t have. In the end, I felt like all women on Earth could be chosen but me! I felt like all women on Earth could be loved but me!
I know that that man didn’t find me good enough in comparison of what the media told him women out there look like. He wanted the perfect deal that the media are mirroring to men; little do they know that it’s a “search but do not find” deal.
I know that many women feel like every woman could be chosen and loved but not them. Why?Because very few feel like they can match up to media’s standards.
STOP THE PREFABRICATION IMAGE OF THE WOMAN’S BODY!!!
But then, like most artists, I used his insults or the stones that he threw at me to create art! I wrote a song entitled “I don’t believe your lies” as a call to women (and men) to say no to the lies of a society that tell them that they are not good enough and in order for them to be chosen or loved they have to be “highly educated, have a high standard of living and be extremely beautiful.”
As a spiritual seeker and healer whose purpose is to end human suffering, starting with my own, I used my pain to raise our consciousness, to shed light on our darkness, truth to our lies for the purpose of our common healing.
Today, I am over that heartbreak. Almost! The only part remaining in me of that insanity is the strong desire to work actively to empower women (and men) to not be passive in accepting a society that fosters unconscious pedophilia in men and make us feel horrible about ourselves.
The women body’s image must change from unreachable standards to a woman’s body just as it is right here, right now.
- THAT will be highly educative!
- THAT will be extremely beautiful!!
- And all human being will have a high and happy standard of CONSCIOUS LIVING !!!
May every Human Being say: “AMEN”!!!
My recommended links:
- Body Image Movement
- Dove’s incredible new PR campaign aims to change women’s image in media
- Killing us softly!
- Hypersexualization of children exposed!